Proud Worrier

It is Monday morning.  You're welcome for the reminder.

It is what we call "easing in" week at our house.  The school-is-almost-here-so-we-better-practice-going-to-bed-earlier-but-more-importantly-waking-up-earlier week.  So up at 6 for me.  Or maybe 6:15ish.  It was definitely before 6:30.

I didn't get as much done as I hoped.  I did get a run in.  And an important phone call to my new boss.  And an e-mail I needed to send.  But up to this point there's been a lot of coffee and some playing with Anna on the Wii.  We snagged a new Miss Piggy Mii last night and I just had to see how fabulous she looked doing Kung-Fu.  For Feminism's sake.  `

I did, in spite of myself, manage to do a little morning meditation, devotion, quiet time, getting ready for the day, or whatever you want to call it. And the message in my Book of Awakenings was amazingly fitting. Today's title is "Live Your Worries Through."

Worry is a palpable feeling in our house this week.  My little one did not have such a great last school year, and as this one approaches: worry.  I have not worked every day, 5 days a week outside of my house where I have to dress up and be somewhere at a scheduled morning hour for years: worry. My husband's first day with students is this morning and when he got on the computer this morning, his university's entire network was down.  And he's a freshman advisor.  You're tired of my list already.  So am I.

The author pointed out that worry is when we start running a track in our mind of all the bad things we imagine could happen.  I am not a pro at a lot of things, but I am a PRO at this.  You want to know all the possible things that can go wrong in a situation - come to me.  I can rattle off a cool list of 20.  So the invitation to live in the moment is one I often find myself longing to respond to and yet find so difficult to actually do.

Living in the moment is the only real safe place, Nepo says, because it is the place we can actually reach out for those who nurture us.  This is a nice thought, and feminists would like to remind us that we women have each other to reach out to when we are feeling anxious about our new work demands, or helpless as a mother, or inadequate about the things we long to do.  I like that thought too.

After the writing, Nepo always offers a little exercise. This morning, it was to open your hands until you feel the worry leave, then dwell on that feeling.  This brought back to me something from The Celebration of Discipline (it's better than it sounds), when the author talked about lifting something up in prayer, physically with your hands, then with your hands, setting it down. Our associate pastor delivered a lovely message yesterday entitled "How do you hear God?" She suggested that God is often speaking and we, for several reasons, don't hear.  For me, I think it's because I am so busy worrying and trying to work out the solutions to all the scary "What ifs" I've mentally conjured.

We need each other.  We even need to figure out solutions to our problems.  But sometimes, we just need to breathe deeply and let it go.  But we think it's so important - we can't just let it go. Only Jesus makes this offer to exhausted worriers:

Matthew 11:28 ''Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest." 

So I know it's not Spiritual Wednesday; sometimes you need the Holy Ghost to get you through Monday.

And to reiterate the point: I Peter 5:8 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you." Though I think the preceding verse, at least in my case, is the key. "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you."

What does most of my worry stem from? What do I worry about? Isn't pride the eye of many of my worry storms? Do I not hear God because I haven't humbled myself to acknowledge his power (and my powerlessness)? If I wasn't so concerned for my precious hide, or maybe more accurately, my ego, I venture to say I would worry a lot less. 

We may all have different things to release. Before I hand over the worry, I need to let go of the pride.    I hope you can find a way to get some rest today, even though it's Monday.