Ok, I am calling "Uncle!" But wait - I'm the one who twisted my own arm! So I'm stuck. At least until this phase of the pilot program is over. In an effort to release some of the pressure building to unbearable levels inside me, I posted on Facebook that I have about 2 weeks left of being sane. Just in case any of you had anything you really needed me to say or do before then. One wonderful lady joked, "Oh, there's an expiration on that too?"
My dear friend Ami remarked, "Nope, we're here to keep renewing."
In the pea soup fog of the moment, I often forget that renewal feels an awful lot like losing sanity sometimes.
The wisdom lies not only is knowing the difference, but also in knowing how to keep perspective while it is happening, and acting accordingly. Does acting insane cancel out the progress that happens in renewal? *Sigh*
Lately, I have questioned my sanity for stepping into the land mine that is this pilot program born of a partnership between two good nonprofit organizations. Today was the first day of the workshop, and things did not go smoothly. Both partner organizations were on the brink of calling it quits (but there are 15 people who have their hopes pinned on this now!) My job could still blow up before this is all over. And I knew that I was gambling not only with that partnership and our programs, but also with my very own employment status when I took this on. And I still did.
Now you're questioning my sanity.
The other side of this story is that things went so well if viewed from a different angle. 15 interesting, wonderful people have hope. There are people from the Democratic Republic of Congo, Nepal, Burma, Cuba, Iraq, Sudan, and the United States all sitting together at a table, helping one another, sharing with one another, and cheering one another on. They are ready to take on new jobs in either a new country or a new career field. They are in the process of renewal and not acting the least bit insane. They are putting a whole lot of chips on this new endeavor. And whether or not I am a wildcard that someone should not have used to bet: I am the facilitator. That, I think, is God's way of making sure that everyone is clear about who is responsible for renewal. (Hint: not the Wildcard Facilitator).
Renewal hurts. Sometimes it takes awhile to look pretty. Sometimes it looks like foolishness. And it has to happen over and over again in order for us to stay fresh. For us to become wise. And did I mention that it hurts?
No pain, no gain.
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