Mommy Guilt Does Not Discriminate

Summer is supposed to be relaxing.  Lazy.  At least a little less busy.

Ha.

I promise to not try to one-up you with what I pack into the hours between 5 am and 11 pm.  What I am going to tell you is that mommy guilt stalks the stay at home mom and the career mom.  I know because I have been both.

I used to feel guilty that I wasn't enjoying my children enough over the length of their entire summer break.  I used to worry that I hadn't provided them enough enrichment.  I fretted that I had not been patient enough, creative enough, fun enough, sweet enough.

Now I hate that I haven't been around enough.

To my credit, and I do need to give myself a little, I have let the house and yard go a bit in effort to make the most of lovely summer evenings and weekends with them.  To their credit, and they deserve a lot, they have bounced from camp to camp like troopers.  My high school cross country runner goes to a full day of camp, at 2 of which she would practice violin or dancing/singing/acting from 9 to 5, and then be whisked away to barely make it to cross country practice at 6, minus a real dinner.

We've had some great times.  But on the flip side of "Mom, I am so bored" is "Mom - can we just all stay home and do nothing today?" I can't remember the last time I did nothing.  Literally.  I can't remember the last time I was bored.  I don't think the kids can either.  Which sounded like heaven when I stayed at home with them.  But I'm exhausted.  And I'm worried that the kids haven't rested enough before the onslaught of school begins.  Especially my freshman.

I have been getting e-mails from the cross country parent group - the"tailgaters."  I totally understand if you just threw up in your mouth a little.  I do every time I see those e-mails.  They invited me to an event on a Monday at 11 am where families will be grilling for the runners and having a picnic after their mandatory practice - look and see what items are still needed and sign up! And to a brunch after practice on a Friday at 10 am.  I fumed to my husband, "Who do they expect can make these events! I don't even know how I'm going to get her to those mandatory morning practices let alone join in the party!" He looked at me and said "You could've last year." And I cursed him in my head and wondered if he remembers everything I have sacrificed for his career over the years.

This would be Mommy Guilt, the Career Mom version.

I think I would be fine if I had 6 weeks vacation. But I don't.  I have to decide whether or not I will spend my precious 3 weeks vacation on real vacation with family and friends or *gasp* just the four of us going somewhere for fun! God forbid! Or, if I will spend it making sure my kids get to where they need to go and aren't alone, etc.  And that we see family and friends who live far away.  I can't just take one day off to spend a lazy day with my children this summer.  Guilty. If I do, I can't come home for Christmas. Guilty.  If I do, I can't go on vacation with Jeff's family. Guilty.  Or with our friends. Guilty.  If I take a day off during winter break, that's one less day on summer break.  Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

Then again, thank God that I can afford after school child care for my little one.  Thank God that I can afford to send them to summer camps where I know they are being enriched.  Thank God that I have a job that while demanding, is exciting and fulfilling (well, the good parts are, most of the time).  Thank God I have a husband who can share in some of the transporting.  Thank God that we are all healthy.  Thank God that I have any vacation at all.  And if I really think about it, thank God that my children don't have to work. They are downright spoiled, those kids of mine! And so am I! (It goes without saying that my husband totally is - right?)

And now I'm feeling guilty that I have it so good.

Whatever your situation, Mama, I know you feel guilty sometimes.  We can't be perfect.  We just can't. I don't know that we will ever learn how to get over that.  Does it help to know that I know you're doing your best?  I may not have time to call you or facebook you, but I honor your effort.  Stay at home mom - I know how tough it is to do that.  Working mom, it's tough too, in an entirely different way.  Neither gets enough appreciation, recognition, or space to be human. I suspect that whatever it takes to slay Mommy Guilt once and for all, it will take all of us working together, resisting the urge to believe one of us has it harder than the rest.

But first I am going to envy you a little if you get to sleep in tomorrow;)