What Kind of Feminist Am I?!

This blog, as you know, is a space for exploration.  I am the kind of feminist that feminists do not claim, and the kind of Christian that makes some Christians pray for my salvation.  No exaggeration on either count.  I'm warning you that next week, I'm pulling out some controversy. Starting today.

My mother-in-law flew out here for a few days so that I could fly down to Orlando to a conference with my husband, where he would be receiving an award.  Fun fact: I still have never been to Disney World. Or Epcot. Or Universal Studios (although I did snag some Harry Potter merchandise for two diehard fans in my house - a quidditch jersey for Anna and a butter beer mug for Moll).  What kind of American am I?! But I don't pass up beaches.  Ever.  Especially ones with the "National Seashore" tag.  They never disappoint.  So Jeff and I headed over to Cape Canaveral National Seashore and walked on miles of undeveloped, gorgeous beach.  We stood for a long time and watched manatees in a canal that connects that ocean to the Intercoastal.  We ate so well that I need to detox.  I hung out by the pool while he was in sessions.  Went out with some old friends.

The real reason we were there, however, was because Jeff was accepting this award, and he asked me to be there with him when he did.  I am so glad I went.  There is something meltingly endearing about seeing this man shy and nervous and yet excited and proud, being honored for something he worked hard for.  When he made his way back to the table amid applause, he sat down, adjusted his hair, tie, jacket, etc. the way he does when he's self-conscious, then took my hand and whispered, "I'm so glad you are here."

Some of my feminist stripes are denied because I have thrown my support behind this guy.  I would have gone to this award luncheon if it were in Siberia.  (Thankfully, it was somewhere much sunnier).  As strange as it is that I would rather watch manatees peacefully rising to the surface of a canal than stand in line at Disney, I also have made choices that helped my husband more than me.  Why? Why would any self-respecting "feminist" do that?

Love sounds like a pat answer, doesn't it?  People do all kinds of irrational things for love.  People stay in bad relationships for love.

You may disagree, but I think my marriage is healthy.  In relationships, we certainly hurt one another, but we also make sacrifices for the benefit of the other.  We mutually support one another.  Feminists sometimes contend that while women can have these kinds of relationships with one another, it cannot be so with men, because of their dominant position in society.  So then, an African American should never be friends with a white person? A homosexual should never be friends with a heterosexual? The person in the less privileged position should never attempt to be in a real relationship with someone who might have more power, because it might be used against them?  That severely narrows possibilities for friendship.

This is one of those times I think Christianity and feminism can synthesize.  Love your neighbor as you love yourself.  One of Jesus' great teachings.  If you think about this, you are opening up to a whole lot of exploitation if you follow this.  I am not advocating for heedless plunging into risky relationships.  Certainly there are those who cannot be trusted, and we cannot just let ourselves be used.  We do need to exercise some self-protection, because, we're humans, after all.  But love releases us to a experience a deeper, wider, richer life.

I cannot write if not honestly.  Yes, there are times I think my husband is utterly selfish.  But I believe, in general, that being married to him is one of the best things about my life.  That statement can be criticized and picked apart, but I stand by it like I will say that I honestly think I will have lived a full life without going to Disney World.  My husband is a good, good man.  A good father, a good husband, a kind and respectful human being.  He does not step on people to move up the ladder.  He never raises a hand to hurt anyone (though I know the dog really tempts him). He walks other people's crying babies, he helps elderly people with their packages, and he uses his intelligence and time to make the world a better place.  He deserves to win awards, and he deserves to have love and support when he does (or doesn't).  And, I just really like him.  A lot.  Even if he is one of the biggest reasons I will never be considered a real feminist;)