Every now and then, we need a new way of looking at things. Because the world still needs changing.
(See, Christianity and Feminism can agree on something...)

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Reader, Forgive Me

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned" is the way I remember starting a Catholic confessional. 

Are you disappointed that I did not kick of the New Year with a resolution post?

I know you're not.  You are totally licking your lips in anticipation of morsels of guilt confessed.

Ok, so I had no big scandals involving adultery or gambling or plastic surgery or such.

This is more of taking a deep breath and admitting something out loud.

So I am a career woman now.  Real deal.  Swallowed the whole gig hook, line, and sinker. 

That's not the confession part.  The confession part is that I miss being at home.

I do.  I miss letting my kids be kids.  I miss having things organized. (Though we all know that is such a relative term, organized). I miss cooking real dinners most nights.  I miss having free time without having to borrow from my already shortened sleep.

I don't want to stop working.  I like it.  It's been good for me.  It's been good for my family.  I just don't want to work so much. Or maybe I just want to be better at balancing.

Whenever my family moves, I feel as if it takes 2 years to really feel at home there.  Maybe after 2 years of working full time I will feel at home in my career mom skin.  I'm the better part of a year shy.  I do want to find more balance.  In retrospect, the happiest period of recent times has been when I was working part time. Can I find balance in an unbalanced schedule?

I responded to a comment made the other day by a reader on an older post ("Everybody Needs a Housewife, Including Me") that I have recently been intrigued by the idea that "taking care of" is an art. It is something learned with care, just as people learn to be engineers or accountants.  What I mean to say is that I feel the need to recapture the honor of being able to take care of my home and my children and *gasp* my husband and even myself.

I have no idea how I will do this.  I am not even really asking for suggestions as I suspect this is something I have to feel my way through. 

This blog, at its heart, has always been about figuring out who we are best meant to be.  I am quite certain I am not meant to be who I was entirely last year.  In some ways, absolutely positively YES I was made for what I was doing.  But there was much left unattended to.

This blog became a little scattered and self-centered last year and the reason is because I was. 

Phew, I am done confessing now. C'est le vie. Let's see what happens this year.  

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