Rooting for Butterflies: A Response to Domestic Violence in the Media

Two reasons for this post:
1. I've been working at a Domestic Violence Services Agency for one year.
2. There has been a lot of attention on domestic violence in the media recently.

The combination of those 2 things has set up a bit of an expectation that I and my colleagues have something to say to everyone about this. 

hmmm. How about I tell you a little story?

One of our office receptionists, a lovable and eccentric individual who constantly shines laughter and love into our lives, found a caterpillar in a precarious place outside our door. She insisted would become a monarch butterfly.  For 2 weeks she has taken steps to help this caterpillar in its transition, and surprised us all with the knowledge she has applied to caring for it and answering our questions. 

Today, she made an announcement that it for sure was coming out of its chrysalis today.  To anyone who was interested she pointed out how the distinctively monarch wing was showing through and this indicated it was almost time. Somewhere around 10am I heard a loud "I think it's coming out!!!" and impulsively hurried to her office, where a few of my other coworkers were gathered around, one with her camera rolling. We stood transfixed and silent (except for the receptionist's occasional squeals of excitement) for the 3.5 minutes it took for the now-butterfly to shed the chrysalis.  As we continued to watch, its wings began to almost imperceptibly grow to normal size. It was a gorgeous creature, but so, so delicate. In fact, we were told it would be another few hours while it clung on in its new state before it was ready to attempt flight. And then it would fly all the way to Mexico. We couldn't step in and help it - it had to do it all by itself or it wouldn't make it. We just cheered it on. It sounds cheesy, but I can't tell you how beautiful it was.


This is a true story involving a real caterpillar/butterfly. But you are smart and know there's a metaphor embedded here as well.

 How can I speak for anyone? How can I bear witness to what goes on inside a cocoon? What right do I have to convey the strength and energy transition takes? How can I make skeptics understand that connection to a whole chain of support is separate from doing all the work and taking all the risk? Can you hear us voice the dangers present and the odds of making it, and still believe we deal in hope? Will those now paying attention be convinced that witnessing transformation and the growth of wings is a worthwhile endeavor? Because it is inaccurate to say we save lives; we are not saviors. But the lives might have been lost if we weren't there with shelter and support. 

What I can say is that what you see publicly this week goes on unseen in many forms all the time. I can tell you facts about domestic violence that maybe you know by now: it's not about being out of control, but control, first and foremost. I hope that truly helpful discussions can happen, and that people's minds and hearts can change. I hope that more understanding develops, and that as a result money is raised to help victims and paths will form for advocates to bring about more change. But no matter what happens, I assure you that there will still be strong and delicate human beings who keep undertaking a process of change. And I assure you that there will be fellow human beings who stand beside and root them on.