I read an article yesterday that inspired me to be a better mother to my daughters. If you are not a mother of daughters, there is still inspiration to be found regarding any important young lady in your life: nieces, little sister, students, etc.
Gruver, N. (2003). "That's not fair!" Nurturing girls' natural feminism. In R. Dicker & A. Piepmeier's (Eds). Catching a wave: Reclaiming feminism for the 21st century. Boston: Northeastern University Press.
Gruver's observation is that while most young women do not identify as feminists, many are. Gruver maintains that every young girl she has ever met believes in everyone having equal rights, including herself. Girls can see injustices more clearly.
Now to the parts that spoke to my soul. Women must listen to girls. Girls believe the reality of their experience. Why do they lose their belief as they get older? They get used to adult indifference to what they have to say. Girls often get the message that they need to a fit the mold of the way things are.
Gruver cautions us to girls' sensitivity to unspoken messages conveyed. We are often unaware of how much power we wield, and without realizing it, send the signal that what the girl in front of us is saying is unimportant.
"It is cliche to tell girls to believe in their dreams. In order to do that with any kind of credibility, we first have to believe in our own dreams. This means we have to remember what our own dreams were and are" (Gruver, 2003, p. 113).
Did you soak that in? Because what Gruver says next is the heart of the matter. When the girls in our lives see us doing that, they watch how women handle triumphs and losses. When they see us passionate about what we believe in, when they see us working for justice, they see that they can too.
Adolescence is a time when girls lose their way. If the women in their lives are brave enough to be truthful with them, to let them see their own struggles and not hide them, girls have a better chance of being able to keep hearing their inner voice. They have a better chance of weathering the storms of growing up when they belong to a community of women who are close to them.
I love this post Tiff! I think the reversal for those of us with sons is to recognize that we represent who we hope our son's will choose as wives. If we want them to find women who believe in themselves and their ability to weather storms, then that is who we must be as well. I expect a lot from my daugther in law...just kidding...kind of :)
ReplyDeleteOne of the points of this article was that we age-differentiate in our society, and women do not have the benefit of learning from each other across the age spectrum. I can't say I was close to her in my dating her son years, but my mother-in-law has grown to be one of the women I love and respect most in this world. She has taught me so much.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. My MIL is one of the most faithful, hardworking and non-judgmental women I have ever met. She is not perfect but dang she's close. Which makes her ability to make me feel like I am doing okay is always so astonishing. <3
ReplyDeleteI think I should start dreaming, voice those dreams to my daughter and then start striving to achieve them.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Tiff. I've been looking for that mature woman in my life to learn from and live with for awhile. I pray to find her someday... I have to say niether my mom or MIL fit the bill.
I liked this post. I've tried several times to compose a summary of what I'm thinking, but it's not working. :)
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