Expectations

Happy Valentine's Day. I have no idea how you feel about today. From a feminist standpoint, there is a lot that could be said about this day. But  I have a lot on my mind. I'm not trotting out any feminist articles today; my brain only has space for the demands waving their hands in front of my face today shouting "Oooh, ooh me! Pay attention to me."

You could be hard core feminist and reject the notion.  Your heart may be lonely or have been broken too many times to put together again.  You may be hoping that this year your husband will decide that he does indeed, celebrate Valentine's Day, throwing off his dislike for this "holiday." Word to husbands: think of this as the money that automatically deducts from your paycheck for taxes.  By the nature of assuming the job, this is an automatic requirement, and there are benefits you reap, whether you are aware of their existence or not.

I know zero women who have completely conquered their desire to be loved.  I cannot name one person who does not want to be important to someone else.  We may want to be independent and island-like.  But there is a reason Bruno Mars makes money writing songs about not needing to change one thing about you, and John Mayer about your body being a wonderland.  It's why "chick flicks" exist.

How many Valentine's days have you spent disappointed? Birthdays? Dates? Entire relationships?

Many Valentine's days ago I made my peace that this man I married is not romantic, and decided the best route to go was that of not expecting gifts or romance from him.  This is not to say that bitterness never accompanied this decision.  Feminism and Christianity both have wisdom to offer when I'm about to make my husband's life a little miserable for not writing me gushing love letters.

Society has created an altar to a feeling of elation, and unrealistic expectation of what love and lovers are supposed to be like.  We've made love something it is only in fleeting glimpses in coupling relationships.  Love is a lot of other things.  Like sitting up rocking a crying baby night after night.  Sitting by your grandmother's bed in the nursing home when she doesn't remember you. Love in songs leaves out how irritated you are when your husband scheduled that meeting right over the top of yours and now you have to drag the kids along, and your husband probably thinks you look like a flea-bitten, rabid dog when you're snarling at him, and you don't even care because you wish you could bite him and give him rabies at that moment.

My aunt, who I seriously love to pieces, sent me an e-Valentine.  My aunt is a devoted, conservative Christian, so this was kind of like, if God sent me a Valentine.  If you have not figured this out by now, I can be sarcastic and skeptical, but this Valentine kind of won me over.  It was a series of scripture about how much God loves us, how God never tires of trying to get our attention and let us know our worth.  We can't live without love.  But we never have to.

You have immeasurable value and worth.  God at some point today is trying to get your attention to show you your value - will you notice?

Maybe others are trying to get your attention too. I've learned that my husband may not be able to be romantic in a conventional sense, but he does try to show me that he's paying attention.  This morning, I was presented with a very sweet gift of locally made chocolate, and a necklace made by women in Uganda from recycled magazines that were being sold to supplement meager incomes.  He is taking off work early to accompany me to a doctor's appointment I am nervous about.   I would be hurt if he didn't notice and appreciate the ways I show my love to him.  He's not the only one.  My littlest daughter left a glitter-gluey cut out "heart" on my pillow, and my mom will most likely try to call.

Tomorrow, make sure you note who the blog author is, because that brilliance has nothing to do with me. How's that for raising expectations?