Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Wednesday.  Middle of the week, right in the groove.  I get some of my best work done on Wednesdays. The atmosphere of this blog is, I hope, full of love. But you want a little controversy, right? I thought maybe I could bring up the more difficult-for-Christians aspects of feminist philosophy and call Wednesdays "Wacky" or something. But I also thought of old-fashioned mid-week prayer meetings and how we're all needin' a little Jesus by mid-week.

So today is a combination of the two.  Ready, set....

Lesbian.

Did you squirm? I think that is the exact intent of labeling people that, from feminist point of view.  If you delve into feminist philosophy, you will have to wrestle with this idea. There was an article by Radicalesbians that I was struck by.  The point was that the label "lesbian" is wielded to keep women in line.  When you hear it, you know you've stepped out of line.  It, like most labels really, is designed to divide and ostracize.

The authors said some other things I really took to heart.  Lesbians, because they do not have the safety net of marriage, understand the "central aloneness of life." Being a lesbian is most dangerous because there are no male-connected compensations.  Zero status.  They assert that women need to find themselves, not in relationship to man.  They ultimately propose that "only women can give to each other a new sense of self."

Let me get nice and honest.  This hit me, hard, as I pondered my marriage and my expectations of it.  Marriage does assign status that makes me not have to think about certain things.  There is status I have by way of connection to Jeff.  And I lean on it, use it, and expect things of him that are unfair to him and to myself.

One response I have to this article is that labels dehumanize, and keep us from seeing past the label to the heart.  Turning our backs on anyone, regardless of their gender or label, will hurt all involved in some way.  Think Dostoevsky's quote that Courtney mentioned about how loving someone is seeing them as  God intended them to be...

The other response is that I agree that worrying about what men think of us, what the world thinks of us, is always going to keep us prisoners.  We absolutely cannot depend on anyone else for emotional fulfillment, power, etc.  It not only keeps us from developing, it uses other people.  I believe in marriage, and I am thankful for mine.  When marriage is good it can bring strength and beauty to life that does make life more endurable and meaningful. But just as I cannot find my true self in my husband, women cannot find it in each other either. No human being can ever be another human being's everything, male or female.

 Jesus offers us those things we can't find in anyone else.  His back is strong enough to hold our burdens.  "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11: 28).  He is our way, our truth, our life.  If we look for those things in a significant other, we will be deeply disappointed and unfulfilled. And perhaps even more troubling: "If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life" (Luke 9:24).  It's not a very popular thing to say, but it seems to me that we might find ourselves, our true purpose, when we are giving ourselves to others. To God. When I reread this paragraph it sounded so ... I don't know... like I think I'm an answer guru.  Which I am most definitely not. I think this looks a lot harder when it's being lived, of course.

Incidentally, I think I will skip putting any words in the "labels" box.  We're beyond labels and boxes now;)